RE: The Decision

Not to start this off in the most “me” way possible, but I've spent the better part of an hour trying to come up with a different introduction, and I can’t, so here it goes.

In the second refrain of his new song Heaven, Niall Horan says, “It's hard to be a human // So much to put an answer to // But that's just what we do.” Granted, it is not the most groundbreaking of statements on its own, but within the context of my life at the moment, the lyrics felt like a warm hug and a punch to the gut all at once. Life is hard. But we have to figure it out. The good news is it can be anything we want. The bad news is it can be anything we want. A simple fact I have always known and of which I thought I had a pretty good understanding. But, it turns out, ‘anything’ should be bold, underlined, capitalized, and italicized. In case you haven’t been told lately, if you aren’t happy with your life, you can do something else. By happy, I don’t mean content; I mean truly happy. If not, you can do ANYTHING else.

One of the longest and most constant desires in my life is a want to live in London. To really get a sense of my affection for this city, you have to understand that my top five favorite films, in no particular order, are Notting Hill, Love Actually, About Time, Bridget Jones’ Diary, and Almost Famous. (To all my friends reading this: The last spot constantly rotates. Uncharted is a common replacement.) To me, London has always represented that cinematic romance that we all long for in some way or another. To up the ante, when I was eighteen, after potentially a decade of repeatedly consuming the above content, I got to go for three days to see One Direction at Wembley Stadium. Talk about an ideal meet cute. No other city stood a chance.

I returned completely head over heels. Yes, for the international boyband, but mainly for London. Immediately, a plan began to form in my head because if there is one thing I am good at, it is making a plan. I would study abroad my final semester—really make sure this city and I were a good match—[check], graduate [check], get a job at the Los Angeles branch of an international company [check], and then once, I had been there long enough, ask to transfer [    ]. I have been at the said company for six years now, and I am still unavoidably visa-less. In the grand scheme of things, this was fine. I would get there another way. Plan B. Plan C. Plan D. Pandemic.

2020 turned my life upside down, as it did for everyone. Fortunately, my greatest takeaway was the realization that I did not want the career I had set myself up for. It was not creative enough. It was not fulfilling enough. And it took up too much of my time for me to sweep those other two facts under the rug. I wish that I could tell you that I quit then and there and that I valued my mental health, emotional stability and newfound goals higher than the security blanket of a steady and comfortable income, but it’s three years later, and I still have the same access badge stowed in my car’s glovebox. In all honesty, I don’t think I would be writing this if I hadn’t gotten an email in March calling all employees back to the office the next day. My work-from-home era came crashing to a brutal, violent, immediate, and tearful end.

While my more than slight mental breakdown over this announcement should have been an instant sign that I needed to make a life change, it took a few weeks of gentle goading from my parents and my mother’s constant asking of one simple question: “If you could do ANYTHING, what would it be?” for me to realize it was time to take the leap.

If I could do ANYTHING, what would it be? I would live in London. I would publish my novel. I would write. I would travel. So, that is what I am going to do. Starting in late August, I am moving to London for six months. (The longest amount of time allowed on a travel visa.) While there, I will work a part-time remote job so as to not entirely deplete my savings, publish my novel, expand this blog, hopefully, pick up a freelance gig or two, and outside of that, just figure it out as I go.                    

At this point, that is really all I have. The decision has been made. My work has been notified. In lieu of a plane ticket, I’m officially attending a Dublin-based concert on August 22nd. The countdown clock has started to tick. There is still a lot to do between now and then. But the hardest part is over. I’ve jumped off the cliff. Who knows what I will find at the bottom, but if you’re going to upend your life, go big or go home, right?

I will be reviving this column at least once a month to provide updates and my overall thoughts on, as well as anecdotes from, this adventure. So, in a way, welcome to my diary. Hopefully, I will end up with some tales to tell, but if not, I’m sure I’ll find something to write about. The choice to read it will be yours.

And while we’re talking about choice, remember you can do ANYTHING with your life, even something that seems absolutely insane on paper.

 <3,

Sydney