RE: Sydney Bolen’s Diary (My Ins & Outs for 2024)

It all began on New Year's Eve in my twenty-eighth year of being single. For the first time in a long time, I found myself surrounded by new faces, and, for the first time ever, I spent the initial moments of the new year watching the various fireworks displays around the city from the safe and free vantage point of a North London balcony. As the sky lit up around me, I realized that the past few weeks I had spent feeling so unmoored and out of control of my own life had done me no good. If I wanted to stay in London– and spoiler alert: I do–the only person with any real say in that is me.

And so I made a major decision. I had to make sure that even if I did end up on a plane back to The States in six weeks. I wouldn't feel like I had failed myself. I woke up this morning and made a plan, not about how I was going to stay (That one is easy: apply to any and all job postings I can find that may or may not sponsor a visa.), but about what exactly it was that I wanted to accomplish with my life, what would I want to be known for– real big picture stuff. I decided to start a diary to tell the truth about Sydney Bolen—the whole truth and to keep myself accountable.

If I were going to continue with this personal take on Bridget Jones' opening monologue, I would now list my 2024 resolutions, but as I consider myself a next-generation version of the classic heroine, I will instead invoke a social media trend that I think is very clever and much more easily kept. Here are my "Ins and Outs" for the year.

INs

• Focusing more on WHO is in my life over WHAT is in my life

  It is so easy to get bogged down in the goals that I am achieving or the opportunities that are coming my way. The simple truth is that none of that matters. Who cares what my title is or how my life looks on social media? I would much rather center my life around the people I know and care for and the relationships I have in real life.

• Getting up when my alarm goes off

  I will not hit the snooze button. I will start my day. No matter how nice of a dream I was having.

• Theatre

• Spearmint tea

  My new number-one skincare bestie.

• Sitting at the bar

  AKA: putting myself in situations to "be desired." If I am unwilling to use a dating app properly, I have to put myself in scenarios where I could possibly meet someone organically–even if it mentally pains me to do so.

• A slow morning/night routine

  Wake up. Wash my face. Make coffee. Do the NYT Mini. Stretch. Get dressed.

• 30+ minute walks

• Homecooked meals

  Learn to make more than the five dishes on which I currently live

• Fighting for the things I want

  I am the one that controls the way my life turns out. The worst anyone can say is no. Pivot when necessary.

• Failure

  I have been thinking a lot about failure. Failure is a very personal thing. From the outside, it may seem like someone is achieving unbelievable milestones and following their dreams to success, but to that specific person, it may not feel that way at all. So many people have reached out to say they can't believe I wrote a book or that I packed my life up and moved to London, that my doing those things was impressive or commendable. But to me, who is living out the day-to-day consequences, it doesn't always feel that way. On darker days, to tell you the truth, it barely feels worth it at all. If I can't stay or if the book sales petter out, will I feel like I made the right respective decisions? A few days ago, the answer would have been no. But I have been reorienting myself with the definition of failure. If I do everything within my power to stay in London and it doesn't work out this time. I won't have failed. It will only be a failure if I sit and let these next six weeks go by without exhausting all my options. Failure is also unavoidable. It will happen, and it will happen more than once. But each time it does, my humanity, my empathy, and my life experience will be better for it. So, in 2024, bring on the failure.

OUTs

• Caffeine after 2PM

• Social media for the sake of social media

  If I have an idea, I'll make the TikTok. If I like a photo, I'll post it on Instagram, but I'm done trying to keep to a posting schedule just to raise my follower count or befriend an algorithm.

• Self-imposed deadlines

  Repeat after me: They are self-imposed. You can move them. It doesn't affect anyone but you if something gets pushed back.

• Stress

  In the words of Penny Lane: "Never take it seriously. If you never take it seriously, you never get hurt. If you never get hurt, you always have fun, and if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends." Everything will be fine in the end.

• Investing in people who aren't investing in me

  Build the relationships that are worth building. It won't be all of them, and that is ok. Not everyone is going to want to be your friend. Don't force it (and see below).

• Taking things personally/fear of being perceived

  You can only control your own thoughts and actions. So, do things that make you proud and make choices based on your own values. If anyone has a problem with that or is choosing to belittle you because of it, that says more about them than it does about you.

• Overthinking

  Baby girl, it's never worth losing sleep over. I promise.

• My "laundry chair"

  Put the clothes away as soon as you take them off.

• Negativity

• Comparing my journey to someone else's/ impatience

  I know you want it now, but it won't mean less when you get it.

<3,

Sydney