Navigating Adventure and Settling Down in Your Late Twenties
Eliza Wood is a long-time adventurer whose love of travel began in her college years. She has lived in a handful of countries and currently resides in Nashville, Tennessee, where she works at the intersection of philanthropy and entertainment.
As a single woman in my late twenties, I often find myself torn between the allure of adventure and the comfort of stability. I am frequently dreaming up my next move halfway across the world while simultaneously envisioning a life near my family and friends with a cutie husband. The desires for both are in constant tug-of-war in my mind.
While I daydream about these two different versions of my life, I try to remain present in the life I have chosen. However, the ever-present ticking time bomb looming over me as I approach my thirties acts as a constant reminder that my life is not exactly how I envisioned it to be, and I only have so many more months left to figure out my life according to the world.
If you have either seen the film or read Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat Pray Love, you won’t have much trouble envisioning the first ideal version of my life. Elizabeth chooses to leave her former life in America, bidding farewell to those she loves and embarks on an adventure of a lifetime through Italy, India and Bali. She finds herself falling in love with locals, creating a new way of life for herself and undergoes a profound journey of self-discovery. At the end of it all, she falls in love with a beautiful Brazilian man whom she later marries. Talk about a dream - now, where do I sign up?!
If Eat Pray Love had been written by me, the general plot would remain the same, though you would find me in the vibrant hustle and bustle of London life. I’d frequent the local pub and take leisurely evening strolls in the Heath. Of course, I’d sprinkle some of the British slang I’ve picked up due to my endless Love Island binges into my everyday vocabulary. After a few months of city life, I’d fly south to the Italian coast, basking in the sun that I had been missing in the months prior. Spending my weekends sipping on Aperol Spritz (despite not liking it, it feels right), all the while getting lost in the hidden streets of some quaint Italian village that I have difficulty pronouncing. And *fingers crossed* fall in love with an Italian man. Then we’d venture off to who knows where. I love this version of my life because no one is holding me back; it holds no expectations, and life remains anything but mundane with the boundless opportunities that come with having the world at my disposal.
On the other hand, there is a simpler version of my life where I picture myself settling down near my family and friends, marrying the partner of my dreams, buying a lovely house with some land and starting a family of my own. Days would be filled with familiarity and routine, while evenings would be surrounded by our close-knit community. This version of my life seemingly would provide years of opportunities for growth alongside family and friends, creating a lifetime of cherished memories.
The two prominent themes that stand out in the idealized versions of my life are love and adventure. Though, instead of feeling like either are strong contenders in my life, love and adventure are standing beside each other, stuck at the starting line and anticipating the other to make the first move. Spoiler alert – both lose the race while indecision, fear and confusion take the trophy.
You may be thinking – can’t both love and adventure coexist? Well, of course! But that’s where sneaky little fear pops in and says either love will hold you back from adventure or adventure will hold you back from finding love.
Thank goodness, I found I was not alone. Kristin Newman, in her memoir What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding, vividly depicts the struggle of choosing between romantic love and a life of adventure. For starters, if you haven’t read her memoir, I highly recommend it! She accurately describes both dreams of wanting to move beyond being a single friend and find love of her own while also desiring to embrace her ability to book a flight and be halfway across the world on the same day. She encapsulates the internal struggle so perfectly by saying, “I wanted to love, but I also wanted freedom and adventure, and those two desires fought like angry obese sumo wrestlers in the dojo of my soul.” Yeah, girl, I feel you.
Now, if you’ve made it this far, maybe some of this resonates with you. Maybe it isn’t specific to moving overseas or falling in love. But I can imagine you have dealt with conflicting desires at some point in your life, either on a small or large scale. Kristin Newman goes on further to comment on what we do with desires that are incompatible: Life is almost never about choosing between one thing you really want and another thing you don’t want at all. If you’re lucky, healthy, and live in a country where you have enough to eat and no fear that you’re going to get shot when you walk out your door, life is an endless series of choices between two things you want almost equally. And you have to evaluate and determine which awesome thing you want infinitesimally more, and then give up that other awesome thing you want almost exactly as much. You have to trade awesome for awesome. Everyone I knew, no matter what they chose, was at least a little in mourning for that other thing.”
I love how Kristin names so well that most desires we have are equally appealing, and more often than not, we mourn the loss of one desire when we choose another.
So, what do we do with conflicting desires, you may ask?! Well, as mentioned earlier, I am still learning myself, so any definite answers are still pending. A dear friend of mine once asked me, “What if you begin to live like all dream versions for life will become true? What if there is a reality where you can live overseas, fall in love, and your family and friends are near? We have no idea where life will take us. Do not withhold a decision based on fear. All you must do at this moment is take one small step towards something you want”.
Of course, the dream would be to live a life of adventure with someone I love near the people I love. And you know what? Maybe she is right, and one day, all of my dreams will coincide. But I will never know until I take an initial step and make a few choices.
Life is meant to be lived, not caught in indecision. Will there be loss? Of course. Will opportunities be missed? Absolutely. But I assume the gain will be far greater. Neither scenario for my life will be perfect. However, it's about taking a step toward a dream and discovering what unfolds from there. I am choosing to lean into the serenity song of the year by the lovely Natasha Bedingfield and hold to the truth that today is where my book begins, and the rest is still Unwritten.
